Let’s face it, as soon as we get into a relationship we think it’s just perfect! Nothing in our lives has ever come close to something this amazing and it’s probably going to stay like this forever. But a few months later, when you both come back to the reality, when constant chatting and everyday meet up’s seem to lessen, that’s where you start wondering if this is the real deal.
If he/she is the one! And that’s where you need your emotions to take a back seat and plain ole’ logic play its role!
So here are a few things that I have personally experienced or have seen happen so many times. It’s the rule book for me now.
1. DOESN’T KEEP PROMISES
The first ever red flag that you will come across in a relationship is this. How often your significant other keeps his/her promise? Or even if they don’t, how often do they really try hard to keep them. We do not want to go crazy and start disregarding all the efforts that they make but just sit down and observe.
Do they promise too quickly before really giving it a real thought which eventually leads to an unfulfilled promise? If yes, then he/ she is someone who will continue to do that and you will end up being frustrated every time.
2. LAUGHING AT YOUR EMBARRASSMENTS
The second and one of the most painful red flags that you just do not want in your life.
It is a huge NO! As soon as you see this happening in your relationship, you either need to fix it or prepare your bags. Someone who truly loves you will never make you feel bad about something you already feel ashamed of. May it be your weight, your feet, the causes you support, the way your family is or your past.
We all carry that closet full of skeletons with us and someone who is ready to love you for life will accept you with it. If he/ she doesn’t, then their place is in that closet as well! At first try and talk it out, be very clear in explaining how much this behavior affects you. Hopefully that will change things but if they don’t then you should know that’s how it’s going to be all your life. Can you deal with that?
3. LOSES BALANCE AN EXTREMIST
This red flag is one of its kind (which I have personally witnessed a really close friend go through). It is like the best and the worst thing that can ever happen to you. Such people would initially go out unrealistically out of their ways to do things for you. They would leave their friends and family just to be with you.
Nothing in their lives will ever exist without you in it, how ideal does that sound? But wait! Here is when it all comes tumbling down. No human would give more than they receive, eventually. They would soon start expecting you to do the same. Anything that they feel has even slight importance for you in your life will eventually become a problem for them. Naturally when someone gives up everything for someone they only have that one person now and they become extremely cautious about losing that person to someone or something.
Remember, it’s always good if your partner is striking the balance in his life.
4. KEEPING YOU OUT OF HIS SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS
As high as I am on privacy there are times where these small acts can really help you tell if your partner is hiding something or not. You shouldn’t go all Desperate-housewives on him/ her, reading messages or secretly logging into Facebook accounts to keep a check. All you need to do is observe your partner’s behaviour when you are in the room and he/she is chatting with someone. Does he get uncomfortable? You should talk it out with him, calmly. If he values you and wants you not to feel that way, he will let you in himself. If he retaliates and makes a fuss about privacy and that he has his own life etc, Be careful!
I needed clarity in a two years old relationship once; all I had to do was ask him who he was chatting with. It baffled him completely. I knew something was wrong that day!
5. TAUNTS YOU OVER A SECRET ONLY THEY KNOW
Every relationship has its fair share of fights and arguments. Every couple badmouths when angry but every couple has their lines drawn as well. We all tell our deepest secrets to our partners and expect that they would respect not mentioning them or reminding you of them. Yet, when your partner starts to bring them up in fights to humiliate you or to belittle you, know that, that’s the red flag you don’t want!
If a person tortures you with the things he knows will hurt you the most, STOP. Just stop!
They don’t deserve you.
RED FLAG RIGHT IN YOUR FACE!
There is no explanation that I need to give to tell you how wrong this is. May it be physical, mental, verbal or emotional it’s just wrong and no force in the world can make it right. No kind of abuse is OKAY. Someone who abuses you emotionally will soon start abusing you verbally. A person who abuses you verbally will soon start abusing you physically. There is no end to this. As soon as you see this happening it’s time for you to jump out of this plane. Don’t care if the landing will hurt, it’s supposed to. Don’t care about what will happen to you without him, you were fine before and you’ll be fine now. Just take a leap of faith because, trust me, ANYTHING you go through will be better than this.
7. LOOKS DOWN UPON PEOPLE
Red Flag Alert!
Even if you two are in that honeymoon phase, insulting someone inappropriately or belittling someone is a huge red flag for something that might happen in the future. People who do not respect others will eventually act the same way with you. At first you might feel you can take it just because you love your partner so much but everyone’s patience runs out at some point in time and then everything is too ugly and hurtful to even try working on.
8. CRIES A LOT
As small as it seems to be.
This is one of the best fore-telling red flags in a relationship. Regardless your partner is a man or a woman, crying on every small thing tells a lot about the person’s nature.
Not that crying is bad, it’s absolutely normal to cry from time to time for men and women, both.
It only gets alarming when your partner cries whenever it’s their fault or whenever you confront him.
Crying usually is an easy way out of things for such people. I know this because I have dealt with this, seen this again and again. To avoid conflict, to not be blamed for something they did wrong. How?
Well, it’s easy, what do you do when a person is crying his/her eyes out… You let the thing go.
If that’s how every conflict ends in your relationship either get use to letting things go or let this person go once and for all.
9. TAKES YOU FOR GRANTED
Never ever take things your partner does for- granted and let yourself be taken for granted as well.
Everything you do, even if it is the millionth time should be appreciated and if not appreciated at least shouldn’t be taken as your DUTY. Make it clear to your partner that whatever you compromise on or do, you do out of love and respect for them. Once your partner takes you for granted there is a long list he/she will have of the things you never did for them. You will always be too much of that or too less for this.
You will always feel incapable and insufficient and that’s not how you are meant to feel.
THE 10th FLAG: SIMPLE EXERCISE I ASK COUPLES TO DO!
You have just read everything you needed to know, yet still in your heart you want to be clearer. So here is what you do! Sit back, take a deep breath. First of all, know that you’re going to be fine no matter what happens. Things will go on, that’s how it works so don’t be scared of thinking out loud at the moment. It’s just you who’s listening. Clear your mind completely and just take the name of your partner. As soon as you do that, what’s the first thing you feel? What’s that instant feeling you get? If it’s love, happiness, care… You shouldn’t let go. If it’s hurt, sorrow, fear, frustration… it’s time to let go.